Soil Saloon

A prayerbook cross:

You must be wearing the holy undergarments to find the prayerbook cross.

Upon entering JFK drive you must kiss the ground five times in a linear fashion.

Proceed Westward till there’s a big, big, prayerbook cross up to your right. She kinda hides in the trees.

That’s all the clues Lonesome hank allows me to give out.

It allows me so much liberty.  But for those of you that are into the more punk rock, I’m so cool, I live in San Francisco and I’m so tough I get up any hill on this ONE GEAR MOUNTAIN BIKE, I’ve got a bit of information for y’all.

SINGLE SPEED WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 2008
PRE-EVENT RALLY Y FIESTA
FRIDAY AUG 22nd
SAN FRANCISCO
 
Come join us in the City on the Bay in anticipation of the Greatest Show on Earth, the SSWC! This unique opportunity allows you to mingle with the seedy underbelly of San Francisco’s bicycling culture, and ride with them off road in the urban environ. This all starts at the legendary American Cyclery, SF’s oldest bike shop and refuge to the cycling masses. We then ride mostly off road and across the Golden Gate Bridge to the Marin Headland for much social exuberance.
 
-Meet and greet old and new friends from afar!
-Size up the competition!
-Determine who’s most likely to make a drunken ass of themselves!
-Demonstrate your intent to make a drunken ass of yourself!
-BBQ foodstuffs in true 49er style!
-Imbibe beverages of fortitude and refreshment!
-Show your mettle in various Feats of Strength!
-Win prizes of interest and useful nature!
 
Meet at American Cyclery (Frederick and Stanyan)
4p.m. Friday August 22nd
Ride at 5p.m. SHARP! Rain or shine!
 
Hosted by AMERICAN CYCLERY, the Soil Saloon,
and The Sons Of the One Speed Revolution

Due to the natives becoming more and more restless for an excuse to race bikes and get drunk and congregate in the woods, it’s time again for a cute flyer. This one’s in the evening again folks, so make sure you ask permission to stay out late.

I hear that train a coming, a coming round the bend….

Fear not, local denizens and fishmongers of two wheeled fury.  We’re going to have another soil saloon.  You’ll get another chance to get your top tube covered in dried tequila, sweat, and dirt.

It’s not as easy as we make it look putting on these races.  Since the last one, we’ve been to busy to even post more than this half-assed effort onto the site.

We’ve been occupied, deep in though,

and getting physicals,

and of course, going to Texas to ride our Texas trikes.

Twilight soil saloon… with a hazy sky and blood red sun dropping aside us, we raised our glasses and threw our legs and voices in honor of a certain race organizer’s birthday.  I can’t wait till I get to have a 40th birthday party half that cool.

For those of you that missed it, what were you thinking?

For those of you that were there, there were shenanigans a plenty, and we even had professional musicians in attendance!  Actually, I think these professional noise makers have been in attendance at most of our events, but this time they were making beautiful tunes for the fine folk gathered in the grove.

Many thanks once again to our screen printers, our promoters and organizers.  Thanks everyone for singing a song, racing a race, and we’ll be getting dirty again soon.

This here is going to be a good time. As good as any. Maybe there’s no offical sponsor. Maybe you can’t race with hopes of gaining prizes worth tens of dollars. Maybe we’ll have amazing t-shirts. Maybe we won’t. Maybe you’ll win one of these questionably extant t-shirts, maybe you won’t.

What is known, however, is that this race commemorates a fine man’s fine birthday. What is known is that there will be fiesta-a-happenin’, and as this is an evening affair, Lonesome hank and Willy Nilly advise all racers to dress sharp. The dress makes the man, and the man always hopes to make it with the dress.

It’ll be in the evening, so don’t y’all work to hard on the 25th… there’s fun to be had later…

I think it’s safe to say, that after the fourth, we officially have a series on our hands here.  This round was attended by many a spirited syclist, men, women, boys and girls alike gathered to pursue the fool’s gold, the best poker hand possible, and high speed shenanigans in el parque de puerto dorado.

Motivated onwards by rumors of free beer and fools gold, riders encountered a stream upon the course, a stream with a gold vein claimed by perhaps the most philanthropic miner the world has ever known.  Though he regulated rider’s gold nugget intake, just about everyone got some…

Indians were consulted, Gravediggers were present for fine, if brief eulogies, robberies were had, wheelies were done to impress the Sherrif, and many bicycles were pushed hard through the sand and soil of our local park.

Many thanks go to all those who documented the wierdness.  My memories would be so much more incomplete were it not for you all.  Memories like how blue jeans are the new spandex:

Memories of a race with beautiful women participating

And so much more.  Many thanks to our sponsors, for wonderful prizes that are certainly envied by all.  The custom painted chrome bag is truly, truly a thing of beauty, and the beauty with four nines in her hand by the end was certainly a lucky, lucky lady.

Everyone was a champion this time, except the champions.  If you were there, or if you see a t-shirt around, you might understand.  Or maybe you won’t.  Many thanks to the fine fotografik skills of senor cornerstonelife. 

Stay tuned to this infrequently updated website for more info on the next race.  I hear it’s gonna be a good one.

Until another episode is unleashed upon the park.  Be ready for a choppy, rutted, twisty course, where astute route planning, and a tounge of silver may indeed prove superior tools in lieu of brute strength for the winning of prizes.

Chrome just dropped by the prize bag…of bags, and many other wonderful things.  Many thanks to them folk, as well as the Bike Nut, who also set us up with some lovely velocipede  related items.  What items, you say? Well then, you’ll just have to stop on by to find out.

Advice for this month comes from lonesome hank:

“It’s gonna be a game of chance and stamina, this month is.  Y’all better bring your poker face out, and your ridin’ legs on.  Don’t spect as much flat out pushin as some other saloons, but do expect five checkpoints, all a bit more differentish than those tequila girls and banditos we had out last time.  Like I said, bring yur game face.  We’ll still have a glory lap before the start, so don’t y’all go bein’ all sore that you can’t pre ride the course, or that we got no map or nothin.  We’ll all learn and play together the day ov.  Let’s take this here video and learn to play together.  Thanks for tunin’ in y’all, and we’ll see you next week.”

to ramble through the park, to forget about debauchery, high speed off road bicycling, along comes another soil saloon.

This time there will be stops a plenty, prizes galore thanks to the good people at Chrome, feats of strength, and maybe even some drinking going on in the park.  This will be not unlike some alley cats, where participants have to complete tasks, stop at stations and collect trinkets in order to complete the race.  But it will be in the hills.  More a mountain lion.

More details to come.  But for now, here’s a pretty picture for y’all to copy, paste, and send to your friends.